Update

Life in Theano-land is boss-level hectic right now, and it's therefore been difficult to make time for this blog. I should be able to return soon, hopefully sometime in October.

Part of what's happening is the result of a long process of personal discovery and re-evaluation, some of which I'd like to share here. Feel free to leave off reading more if you'd prefer, and I'll see you when I see you.

First off, I have a relatively recent autism diagnosis, which explains an awful lot about a variety of struggles, mishaps and errors throughout my life: to be autistic in a society designed by and for neurotypical people is often, emotionally speaking, a form of 'death by a thousand cuts'. On being diagnosed, or otherwise becoming certain of having the condition, one is forced to undertake a lot of unravelling.

The unravelling of the last few years has taken me on a rather abrupt and bumpy ride from complete, if imperfect, independence and full-time work to a vulnerability with which I have yet to come to terms. I have discovered that, between autism and longstanding mental illness, I am unable to cope with most of the usual forms of jobs and workplace environments. There is a training gap for the kind of role I might be able to perform, and not a huge amount available in the way of support; though I have several people in my life for whom I will always be deeply and fervently grateful.

I've stayed with some of the aforementioned people for about a year; and now, through no-one's fault, I have to find another home while on benefits and while awaiting official help that I desperately need in order to even begin to heal. Hence my current absence from the blog: my priority for now must be a roof overhead as Thing One, and everything else comes after.

Being articulate and fairly well-read with a good education behind me has given me advantages other people in my position do not necessarily have, and I must acknowledge that. Being white has also conferred privilege I cannot begin to calculate. Despite that and alongside it, I will say that in this late-stage capitalist environment, disability and standing in need in any way carry an often-unspoken stigma that really should not exist at all.

Employers, landlords and even family members or friends can tend to see a person in my situation as lazy, demanding, needy or burdensome. I've been told by at least one recruitment agent that in order to secure most jobs I must pretend to be abled, and only ask for accommodations after being hired. This I have declined to do, on the basis that a) I prefer to be truthful and b) I wouldn't like to jeopardise my mental health further.

But as soon as I have found safe harbour, I fully intend to return to this blog and my other researches.

Thank you for your understanding, and I'll hopefully see you on the other side.

With love
Theano

I might also get back to the fractal graphics, one fine day.